what does it mean the urge to self destruct?
negative terminology, recognized through the limited capacity of
words, encapsulated, a lack of something
or a search for new borders
is it destruction or exploration? into other dimensions?
wanting a need for stimulation? or for mere distraction
from who or what or which feeling?
a endless trial to satiate a state
to balance imbalance
whoever came up with that concept anyway
balance and what does it mean
its more about the thrill i always thought
but thrill scares, cos it involves a lack of control
some sort of inability to cope with certain boundaries imposed externally
or by this mind of mine,
why do not just let it be and shine sometimes, then whine
it needs a polish i think to try to feel otherwise
grasping for some other foreign air trying to refill my lungs
with novelty, or depthness to test the borders
what if there is none?
accept the ocean
and just float freely
why do you seek reference?
what is it about us and needing something what do we need?
some speed? acceleration?
or just creation, if we let it be, and let it create we create or just let go control
fiercelessly exhausted eyes searching
and wind and fire all up at night disobeying
boundaries imposed by humans just like ourselves
they are not better maybe they are just more expanded or inflated
i see humans all round of different levels of inflation and deflation
in need or oxygen reparation
filling themselves up like tanks aiming for the right kind of petrol,
but what if you get it wrong, then what happens, to the i?
will it explode or simply disappear into this air, dissolve and resolve the chemical
imbalance which permeates all being is the world just constantly trying to get
back into shape after a rowdy holiday of lawlessness or misdemeanor.
your miss can be demeaned by me to feel something maybe just to connect
through sound and
vibe and rhythm and beat and stop for once to type
tune out and retune to listen to the surrounding environmental noiselessness
its beautiful and terrifying the star system how does it work, mein god
why am not in bed but typing frantically, for who and what and when and why?
to let it out
the cool breeze, on my skin
its constant adaptation mutation cell regeneration
just wanting to keep growing
but to grow you need to expand beyond
but lets suffocate the search
and make some fire instead.