what does it mean the urge to self destruct?

negative terminology, recognized through the limited capacity of

words, encapsulated, a lack of something

or a search for new borders

is it destruction or exploration? into other dimensions?

wanting a need for stimulation? or for mere distraction

from who or what or which feeling?

a endless trial to satiate a state

to  balance  imbalance

whoever came up with that concept anyway

balance and what does it mean

its more about the thrill i always thought

but thrill scares, cos it involves a lack of control

some sort of inability to cope with certain boundaries imposed externally

or by this mind of mine,

why do not just let it be and shine sometimes, then whine

it needs a polish i think to try to feel otherwise

grasping for some other foreign air trying to refill my lungs

with novelty, or depthness to test the borders

what if there is none?

accept the ocean

and just float freely

why do you seek reference?

what is it about us and needing something what do we need?

some speed? acceleration?

or just creation, if we let it be, and let it create we create or just let go control

fiercelessly exhausted eyes searching

and wind and fire all up at night disobeying

boundaries imposed by humans just like ourselves

they are not better maybe they are just more expanded or inflated

i see humans all round of different levels of inflation and deflation

in need or oxygen reparation

filling themselves up like tanks aiming for the right kind of petrol,

but what if you get it wrong, then what happens, to the i?

will it explode or simply disappear into this air, dissolve and resolve the chemical

imbalance which permeates all being is the world just constantly trying to get

back into shape after a rowdy holiday of lawlessness or misdemeanor.

your miss can be demeaned by me to feel something maybe just to connect

through sound and

vibe and rhythm and beat and stop for once to type

tune out and retune to listen to the surrounding environmental noiselessness

its beautiful and terrifying the star system how does it work, mein god

why am not in bed but typing frantically, for who and what and when and why?

to let it out

to feel

the cool breeze, on my skin

body adapting

its constant adaptation mutation cell regeneration

just wanting to keep growing

but to grow you need to expand beyond

but lets suffocate the search

and make some fire instead.


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